………or maybe just some reverse psychology.

I wanted a divorce.

From my horse.

I cannot remember being so FRUSTRATED with a partner of any kind in years…….

Terrified?

Yes.

Sick to my stomach?

Oh hell yes.

Angry?

You bet.

But that complete and utter frustration that turns into a seething cauldron of dread………..that’s where I’ve been with this pony for far too long.

Everyone else LOVES this horse.

Professional #1………..told me to buy him. She said if he didn’t want to be an event horse, SHE wanted him for a Grand Prix dressage horse.

Maybe that should have been my first warning!

Professional #2………..thought he was my ride to the Rolex………at that point I was pretty sure we’d never make it to beginner novice. We couldn’t make a 30 meter turn then.

Professional #3……….liked him so much he managed to get the ride himself for an entire season. Heck, I didn’t want to ride him then for sure!  

Professional #4………….”But he’s the nice one! You can’t BUY a trot like that!! Give me 6 months……..if you still hate him in 6 months THEN you can sell him!!”

So I marked 6 months on my calendar and started counting the days.

180…….will I ever make it……………

It wasn’t long before I was crying in my beer with a friend in the same boat. She and her long time pony partner had definitely gotten to the “needs counseling” phase. They had both gone for pony & rider boot camp to fix their marriage………. and it hadn’t exactly gone well.

Eating some dirt had been involved.

179………………

Some outright terror had been involved.

178……………….

And there were some candid words said to the effect of……………..”If riding this horse doesn’t make you happy……and you dread every time you get on it………perhaps a “change” is in order???”

177……………..

OK, let’s be real. This isn’t about buying a new pair of work shoes, or changing the curtains in the house. We are talking DIVORCE. And horse divorce is serious stuff.

176………………..

How many riders gave more thought and hand wringing about divorcing their last horse than their last spouse??

If you’ve been around horse people for awhile you know what I’m talking about.

175……………………..

Then my most fantastic wonderful wonder horse………THE one and only Wonder Pony got very very sick and nearly died.

Disaster had truly struck for Bad Eventer and her never ending quest to Rolex become Mediocre Eventer.

And I found myself with only the demon spawn to ride. I will NEVER understand why anyone actually WANTS to ride a warmblood.

My level of frustration hit an all new high.

I was forcing myself to ride this horse, and finding myself rather uncharacteristically emotional about riding this big, difficult, dumbblood while my most fantastic, wonderful wonder pony was slowly recovering from his entirely too long glimpse at the light at the end of the tunnel.

Then……..it happened…………….

The conversation went something like this.

“I’ve been thinking about it, and perhaps you’ve gotten too much pressure to ride this horse. You have a horse you LOVE……

that makes you smile. If you don’t want to ride this one, let’s sell him and find you another Wonder Pony that you enjoy riding.”

FREEDOM………..

It was like the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders.

Someone made an interesting comment on one of my last blogs (which was about how frustrating this horse is),

OK. For the record….

Bad Eventer’s goal….

is NOT…..

to be a great horse person.

But all of a sudden I found myself riding this horse with an entirely new look on the project.

I thought, “It doesn’t really matter how this goes because I don’t HAVE to ride him”……..and I LOWERED my expectations…..

It was nearly…………. magical.

I started shrugging when he didn’t do what I asked.

And I started expecting him to be bad (he’s always…. overly enthusiastic about any cue at first, trot means gallop and slow down means halt…..there are no grey areas with him.)

And then…….over a couple of weeks or so…………I started kind of …….well sort of……..liking the ride.

I don’t understand it, but lately I’ve actually been patting his neck a bit and telling him what a good boy he is.

Tonight I came home from work a little early and I had about 45 minutes of daylight. As I was doing the SuperMan style clothing change from vet garb to Bad Eventer garb…..

 I asked my husband to do me a big favor and bring him up for me because I was losing daylight by the second……….

He asked me twice which horse I was requesting because I don’t think he believed I was going to squeeze my only ride of the day in……. on that one.

 I guess the divorce can wait.