I’m not sure who he thought he was talking to really.

Doesn’t he know I’m Bad Eventer?

For some reason my coach was actually advising me to “jump clean” in stadium.

He wanted me to “ride my horse” in a certain way to the jumps.

Seriously??

For me, the jumping parts have always just been about……………..

SURVIVAL.

You know.

That staying alive thing?

That was really my top goal, and I didn’t realize there might one day be more to attain besides that.

When I started eventing again I made it pretty simple.

Goal #1 Don’t fall off.

I fell off at 2 of the first 3 Horse Trials I went to………….

Yeah.

Not such a great start.

Then I came up with……..

Goal #2 Don’t get eliminated.

That happened a bunch too.

When I stopped eating dirt quite as often, I got eliminated…..oh at least 4 or 5 times.

“A number is better than a letter” became my mantra.

and I remember how excited I was the first time I actually COMPLETED cross country.

I thought I was a rock star!

Of course then I got eliminated in stadium.

As you can see, there is a reason they call me Bad Eventer.

So today when my coach was telling me how to jump clear in stadium, he didn’t really understand……………. why I didn’t understand.

It went something like this.

Coach: Ride him quietly to the jumps, and keep your shoulders back so he can jump up underneath you.
Me: Huh??
Coach: Make sure you do a square turn and look at the jump.
Me: Square turns? I can change the shape???
Coach: Be sure to jump into the combination quietly because the distance is short.
Me: How on earth do you jump “quietly”?

OK, so all the “Me” parts were really silently in my head………..but you get the point. The complicating factor today, was that I had returned to……….”the scene of the crime.”

That would be the competition where I made my “return to eventing”.

You know.

The one where I was in first place after dressage and then fell off at the first jump in stadium.

That one.

Well guess what?????

1st place after dressage again.

Everyone was congratulating me and all I wanted to do was vomit.

It was happening all over again. (Last time I ended with an RF and never made it over a single jump.) See “Trakehners are my thing!!” for the entire story.

And as I eyed the teensy tiny microscopic warm up ring where the catastrophe started last time I considered just packing it up and going home. I had a major small nervous breakdown when I went into the warm up ring. Seriously, it was one of those…..I……… can’t……….. breathe………… moments.

Maybe you can understand a little more why when my coach was advising me on HOW to jump the course, I was a little well………..let’s just say that was a whole new concept for me.

I never thought I would get to the point where I actually had any say in how I got to the fence or how my horse jumped the fence.

I feel like such a grown up.

By the way, we jumped clean today, and I might have had something to do with it.