There’s an article that’s been circulating on Facebook titled,
“The Day I gave up riding forever.”

If you haven’t seen it, here’s the synopsis:

I’ve spoken to several friends over the past couple of years who don’t want to compete at the level they once did. Most aren’t giving up horses altogether but they are giving up their previous dreams and goals. Some were injured. Some had life circumstances that changed. Some just lost the desire. People change. Priorities change.

But.       I know that being Bad Eventer and all, the likelihood I will ever even sneeze in the direction of a 4*, let alone run one……….. is pretty slim.

And some time in the recent past I decided that if I never make it, that’s ok.

It has to be ok.

I can’t spend all my time and money trying to reach a goal that is highly unlikely. Well. At least I shouldn’t, if I want to retire one day. My reason for wanting to run around Rolex is because it has always been “what you do if you event”. Back when my pre-teen self decided that “Rolex was the goal” I still thought I wanted to be a full time professional.

I’ve had to seriously think about my goals lately. I’m the only person I know of that went off to be a full time working student for the one and only reason of improving her riding.

I never want to be a full time horse professional again. I’ve been one and those days are over. This puts me very much on the outside, in a group of working students, who are all universally pursuing that dream.

So what exactly is the point of my goal? Why do I want to ride at the highest level? And is my ambivalence about getting there holding me back? Am I lying to myself when I say I don’t want to be a pro? Am I lying to myself when I say it’s ok if I never get there?

Have I accepted failure already?

I had a very tough conversation recently. It was something along the lines of, “Do I want a superstar packer that will take me around like a monkey?”

I do have The WonderPony!

or…….

“Do I actually want to learn to ride?” Because the horses that are really good at the higher levels, require some serious skillz…..

After a very bad afternoon that involved some serious soul searching and a few tears of frustration I discovered that…….

Accepting probable failure, however realistic, isn’t going to get me anywhere……..in reality it’s just another excuse…………..

Do I decide I’m a 42 yr old amateur who only rides ponies that can take a joke……..

or do I want to get my sh*t together and start channeling my inner William Fox-Pitt?