Today I received a Demand Letter from my horse’s attorney.

Imagine my surprise.

Ever since I brought the lovely animal home, he has had an argument for everything. At no point in time has his answer to the smallest request been, “Yes.”

Each and every conversation has involved argument, negotiation, objection, discussion………….and ONLY occasionally compromise.

Now he’s decided to add litigation.

The demands laid out involved arbitration through his TEAM of lawyers for any new tasks asked of him.

For example: he has agreed to canter only from a trot.

He has not agreed to canter from a walk. He wants extra grain in the evening if he is going to add walk/canter transitions to his morning exercise routine.

And that is just the beginning.

He has also demanded that his grooming sessions be longer and involve a hand held back massager to be used on certain back & neck muscles for a minimum of 10 minutes. In exchange he is willing to stand quietly at the mounting block.

No massage, no standing by the mounting block.

His list of terms in order to be caught willingly is rather lengthy……….
Fresh apples daily, carrot mash served every day after his mid day nap, 3 meals per day, a private sun shelter so he doesn’t have to share with other horses…….oh there’s more…..

My favorite of course, is that he wants long term damages for the loss of certain body parts.

Did I mention he is a fairly “recent” gelding? He cited mental pain & suffering, as well as loss of certain activities that he enjoyed in the past. While his attorney fell short of demanding some kind of reversal surgery, he did request that he be given “alone time” with a certain Irish mare who he felt would be understanding of his change in “ability.”

He also demands that he never be sent back to bootcamp.

When I picked him up from bootcamp I was warned that “he has his attorneys litigate each and every new request.”

I laughed then.

Now I know better!!