Well……….
Perhaps………..
Let me think about that…………..
Why………..yes!
Yes……… I sure do.
Horses and significant others can be a very interesting subject. If you have an SO who is making that statement…….. about loving the horse more than them…………. it’s probably true.
In my world, the moment THAT comes out of their mouth…………………. the death knell has been rung on the relationship.
It’s kind of funny because over the years I’ve dated 3 men who turned out to be adamantly, emphatically, opposed to my horse ownership. The “funny” part of those relationships is my first date with all 3 of them was an invitation to go horse back riding. I explained my horsey life style and life long passion RIGHT UP FRONT.
I guess they didn’t believe me.
Then there are the horsey couples like the O’Connors, the Martins, the Schramms….. ( Evention ROCKS btw), where both partners ride and somehow it seems to work out.
How does that work, do you think? Who gets to ride the GOOD horses? and who gets stuck on the projects? As much horse trading as goes on in eventing, I have to wonder how couples sort that out when the pressure is on…………
There are couples with one horse crazy partner, and an ever supportive drive-the-tractor, haul-the-trailer, catch-the-sheep………….
supporter who enjoys fixing fences, building jumps, and being the wind beneath your wings.
These significant others are WORTH THEIR WEIGHT in fancy therapeutic horse shoes. If you have one of those HANG ON TO THEM…..
NO MATTER WHAT.
Then there are the not-so-supportive SOs who object, complain, threaten, and may or may not survive the test of time………..
They whine about every penny spent on anything horse related, even when it’s not their money.
They complain when “you’re going riding AGAIN?!”
And time spent at horse shows becomes texting wars……. while they try every way possible to sabotage your trip.
I had a boyfriend that I dated through vet school. He definitely had an issue with my horsey lifestyle and our time together was………… ending. I had finally had enough and called it off when he put in the last ditch oh-my-god-I-can’t-live-without-you please-give-me-another-chance major effort.
He sent so many flowers to my work it looked like a funeral home.
I got letters and calls and gifts.
He claimed to be heart broken and would DO ANYTHING to preserve the relationship.
After several weeks of this, I finally relented and agreed on ONE last chance.
He lived about 200 miles away and we decided that he would drive up for the weekend. The afternoon he arrived I had gotten off work, picked up feed, and was unloading the feed (trying to beat a looming rain storm) when he pulled in.
I was unloading 50 pound bags of feed as fast as I could.
I heard a car pull in, but no one appeared.
I kept unloading feed.
A few minutes later when I finished and came out of the barn aisle to see who had arrived…..
It was him.
He was RED FACED and furious.
I said hello, and he started screaming at me that I hadn’t dropped everything and come out of the barn to greet him……..
He went so far as to start screaming, “ANY NORMAL SANE PERSON WOULD HAVE COME OUT AND GREETED ME!!”
I was…………. appalled…….. and replied, “Any normal sane person would have come into the barn and HELPED me get the feed up before the rain hit.”
It ended for good………. right then and there.
Anyone else besides Bad Eventer end a relationship over horse feed?
No, but one did end over a colic surgery that I was called in on (I was a vet tech) on a night we had a date.
Full disclosure, I am a guy, but can happen both ways. Also, I Event and bought a farm just so my horse could retire in comfort. Before horses I had two other passions, sailing and flying (and no I am not rich, just crazy). I remember that phrase said slightly differently to me in my one marriage. "You're going sailing again?" The marriage ended a year later with her acquiring a phycopath and leaving me.
Clock forward, I'm flying and my then SO feels that flying takes up to much of our time and she does not like to fly. This time I say "Okay honey, I'll stop (for you)". Within 6 months I was unhappy and wondering why I resented her so much. We did not last.
I love horses. I dove into a pair of eyes and never looked back so when I met my current SO I said straight up, I will never give up these horses or my passion for anyone (but me). They are me. She accepted that and went on to learn to ride, get her own horse, and now may even try starter class. We compromise in moments, but she knows, I love my horses.
Lesson learned, don't ever give up one's love for someone else for it is the first moment of rot in a relationship. Great blog, Good luck next season.
Interesting. I rode as a kid, then stopped to have a career, then picked up competitive sailing with my now-husband and we raced sailboats A LOT. Then came a kiddo and a time for me to switch gears back into horses. Now I spend too much time at the barn, too much of (my own) money on my horse, going eventing, lessons, etc. Husband still sails but is cranky that I no longer compete with him. It works, though, to a great extent because we both respect each other's commitment to our respective sports.
I'm lucky, I'm married to the fence repairing, tractor driving husband. But I did have boyfriends who tried to control what I did. Nope, we didn't last.
I got super lucky and married a guy who – although he doesn't love horses with quite the same passion that I do, has found his own niche in the horsey world. He jousts, and we both fox hunt together. He's also awesome at fence repair and throwing hay, and lusts after a tractor that we don't really need. He mostly ignores the vet bills, and I mostly ignore the new armor purchases. We are currently debating over which is more of a priority – new gauntlets for him for jousting, or a jumping saddle for my new horse.
The two boyfriends before him just weren't as important as my horse, and were jealous of the time I spent at the barn. Obviously they didn't last. As a good friend put it, if you're more interested in staying in bed with your man than getting up pre-crack-of-dawn to go riding, you've found a good one. Otherwise, keep looking!
I'm lucky with a guy who trains racehorses, heck he feeds my ottb addiction;)
I usually pull the "I love-horses and spend more money monthly on board and training than I do on my own rent and groceries" card on relationships that I'm not really interested in and want to end. It usually scares them off pretty fast, and they get to think breaking up was their idea. Spares the heartbreak non-sense.
My dad is the tractor-driving fence repair guy, so my mom's lucky there. I'm even luckier because my girlfriend also rides jumpers (I actually met her at the barn). At the moment, she's got her horse and I have mine. I ride her horse sometimes but it's no question whose horse he is, and I'd only show him on her request. She doesn't ride my horse (very green OTTB mare) but I have a weanling that I imagine we'll be bringing up together once she's old enough to start. We're not the O'Connors – we're unlikely to both be at the top of the sport and aren't going to build an empire – but we never have to justify horse expenses and gift shopping is easy.
I'm extremely lucky with my guy – he doesn't ride but he loves horses and shows interest in learning to ride and he is 100% supportive of my riding and horsey goals. A previous boyfriend has said its me or the horses – I didn't even need to think about that. For sure it was the horses.
Ive just started following your blog and I love it!!
I ended one over blanketing. It was christmas eve and i had rode my horse and right as he cooled enough to blanket my phone rings. I told him i was blanketing and then he said it "he doesnt need a blanket, its 38 degrees out. You should be home with me."