All I’ve ever wanted to do my entire life

is ride horses.

Don’t get me wrong.

There have been other things on the list that I wanted to do.

Dance.

Travel.

Doctor.

Play music.

But in the end, everything fell aside for riding.

I had planned my entire education to be an equine vet.

And when I worked as an equine vet for 3 months and rode twice…..

I

was

out.

20 years of planning a career did a complete about-face the moment I realized it wasn’t going to allow me to ride.

My entire life from that moment has been seeking ways to ride and afford riding.

When I moved to Florida 4 years ago I had no idea the adventure I was about to go on.

Imported horses.

Jumps I never even imagined I’d storm down to.

Getting

<this close>

and I mean

sooooo close to going Advanced….

I got fitter than I’ve ever been in my life.

I spent more hours in the tack every day than I had since college.

I spent gobs of money……….

to follow my dreams.

And when my horse that would definitely jump around advanced got sidelined.

And my second best horse decided the big stuff wasn’t that fun anymore,

And when everything else in the string is a baby or young horse with all the ups, downs & unknowns that go along with progressing up the levels……….

I had to wonder what I’m really doing.

I spent the past 4 years taking a ton of lessons, going to more competitions than you can imagine, breaking a leg, and coming back, breaking an arm, and coming back, all to “qualify” for a CCI 3*L.

I even took 6 months off work to focus on this quest.

And I did it.

I got a horse qualified.

GRC Photo

And the last prep-run before the big one, she got hurt.

She won’t be taking me to my first CCI3*L.

And because I’m not a “categorized” super rider that means I have to start the entire process over with another horse.

And that’s when I realized, I’ve lost my joy.

All I’ve ever wanted to do is ride.

I want to ride.

I don’t want to spend every moment trying so hard to achieve something that’s just so

improbable that it isn’t fun anymore.

Photo by Xpress Foto

So I took a break. All the horses got some time off.

I didn’t work out everyday.

I went to The Dark Side a jumper show.

I started riding my 4 year old. 

I always love riding the babies.

To be honest, I haven’t even looked at the eventing show calendar.

When people ask, “What’s your next event?”

I respond,

When I got a text today that said, “Are you still eventing?”

My answer,

I’m riding when I feel like it. Working out when I feel like it.

And looking for my joy.

I’m sure I’ll find it. I’m just not sure where yet.