Feeling Like A Failure…..

      39 Comments on Feeling Like A Failure…..

Have you ever noticed how everyone has a solution to your training issue?

I have one of the spookiest horses on the planet. If you read through the adventures I’ve had with Baby Seabiscuit you’ll get a small glimpse of our life together.

He’s not just a spooker, he’s a “Spooker Plus”. That means the spook is often accompanied by bolting, rearing or bucking, and sometimes all 3.

He’s the only horse I’ve ever come off of backwards, because he spooked and bolted forward so quickly. He definitely has mad ninja skills.

I think the most amazing thing is that I haven’t actually fallen off of this horse more times than I have.

But don’t get me wrong. There’s a reason the body count is only a dozen or so. Because I train babies & ride problem horses, I have a very very strong rule about when to get off a horse. I follow this rule religiously and I use it with my students.

Here it is.

When should you get off?
               The MOMENT it crosses your mind.

That means, if you’re thinking, “I wonder if I should get off…………” your feet should already be on the ground.

If it weren’t for this rule, when things spiral out of control with my spooky horse I would have involuntarily dismounted many more times than I’ve “voluntarily” dismounted.

While we’ve made all kinds of improvement over the past couple of years, the spook + bolt + rear + panic moments have never completely gone away.

Here’s some of the advice I’ve heard during my trials and tribulations.

“He needs to be more afraid of you than whatever he’s spooking at, that’ll fix him!”

“It’s a trust issue. He doesn’t trust you enough to be in charge. He’s looking for a leader and you haven’t proven yourself to be a good one.”

“It’s just about desensitization, you need to expose him to more stuff until he gets over it.”

“You have to break it down into smaller steps.”

“He must have a pain issue, a hearing problem, a vision problem, a teeth problem, a saddle fit issue, the wrong feed, an allergy, he was a zebra in a former life……………………..”

I definitely went down the vet med path and had him X-rayed, palpated & flexed, head to toe, more than a few times. I had a super thorough eye exam done, checked his back, checked his feet, checked his tack & equipment, changed his tack & equipment and basically plead with my lameness vet, my dentist, my chiropractor, my farrier, & my saddle fitter to find a legitimate complaint this horse might have……………….

The diagnosis: “Nope, no problem other than “the lameness between his ears”.

We’ve muddled along for 2 1/2 years and some days are fantastic, and some days involve more than one emergency dismount.

The main problem is that once he gets amped, and I mean really “UP” he doesn’t come back down. He turns into a fire breathing dragon and no amount of human intervention gets him back. This has resulted in a long walk home on more occasions than I can count.

Missing my very own fox hunt was one of the more memorable times this happened.

 

Here’s the thing. At home, he’s fine. If he is in familiar surroundings where nothing moves, he’s a rockstar.

Check this out.

And this.

And this.

 

He’s not bothered by ditches, or corners, or trakehners.

He’s fancy on the flat.

He’s so stinking handsome.

I’ve looked at him a dozen times after he tried to kill me and said, “It’s a good thing you’re so damn cute.”

But 2 1/2 years later, survival is still the name of the game.

 
A few days ago I was riding out with a friend. We were riding through a neighborhood and I was cautiously telling her about how far he’d come. We passed a school bus, dump trucks, an ambulance……………all of which he handled bravely.

Things were going well.

That’s kind of the problem. 99% of the time he’s a total rock star.

But when that 1% happens…………………………

Some dogs were barking in their yard. He was dealing with it pretty well and then the dog on the other side of the street came down to the fence and he absolutely came unglued. It didn’t matter that my friends horse was bravely and quietly leading the way. Baby Seabiscuit spun sideways, ran sideways & backwards across the road, slammed into the chain link fence on the other side, reared, ran backwards until he slammed into a tree, then lunged forwards bolting, & started rearing some more, lunge, rear, spin, lunge, rear…………….it was like being in a carnival ride that had just broken & was crashing into things.

As he was slamming his body into fences & trees I thought I was going to come off.

But I didn’t.

And then as the full on panic – freak out – melt down worsened, I was really really sad that I was still on him.

Fortunately, I may have the world’s most practiced emergency dismount.

Once I leaped off………now he was rearing and panicking on the end of the reins………………..my friend ( & her stunned horse) were staring horrified, the dog owner was staring horrified, the cars driving by stopped and stared horrified………………….my XC vest was torn in 1/2 and I started to realize just how close to death and mangling I had just come.

I did some ground work and tried to get his attention back. I lead him up & down the road and back and forth. I eventually tried to get back on……………..that didn’t fly.

Eventually, after half an hour of trying to get him to settle down, I lead him the 2 miles home.

It wasn’t the first time, or the 5th time, or the 15th time I’ve had a near death experience on this horse & then had a long walk home.

But it was the last time.

I hate to give up, and in many ways it makes me feel like a failure………. but sometimes you just have to save your life.

===================================================================

Baby Seabiscuit is going to the most perfect of homes, where the expectations are low, and he can stay home where he’s happy if that’s all he wants to do.

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39 thoughts on “Feeling Like A Failure…..

  1. pinkbellepink

    Your are absolutely not a failure. You put in many more hours and work than most people would. I have not had to make the decision you just made, but kudos to you for being willing to part ways, it can't have been an easy decision to make.

  2. emma

    everyone always has an opinion on what *should* be done with a horse (as evidenced by the examples you provided above), but no sane person can seriously accuse you of not trying your hardest again and again to make things work for this horse. i'm glad you're safe and that it didn't take a serious injury for you to make this decision. good luck, and wishing Baby Seabiscuit the very best in his new lifestyle

  3. Aoife

    Glad to hear neither of you were hurt and that he is going to a good home. No one can fault y
    all you have done for him, he is a veryucky horse that he crossed your path and not someone else's.
    *hugs* knowing when to draw the line in the sand is hard

  4. Austen Gage

    Some brains just can't. That's no ones fault, not even the faulty brain. Honestly impressed your skills got you so far, and you still were able to let him go.

  5. Tracy Beavers

    You know, I'm never one for giving up on a horse but at the same time he clearly didn't enjoy everything about his life. I mean, would you like to be absolutely and utterly terrified 1% of your life?

    I bet you both you will be happier in your new adventures 🙂

  6. TeresaA

    Wow, you are luck to be alive. Not that my opinion matters, but it sounds to me like you made the right decision. But it's really hard.

  7. lisa fisher

    No one but you can make better decisions for you and your horses. No one else is in that saddle (or at the end of those reins…lol). Your opinion is the only one that matters. Good for you. The hardest choices usually take the greatest courage. Been where you are, girl. Hats off.

  8. EventingSaddlebredStyle

    Don't look at it as a failure. You put lots of hours and money into him and in the end realized his idea of life and yours didn't match up so you found him a good home. I saw the Facebook ad and you were totally honest. You could have shown the stellar moments and left the crazy out but you did the right thing and put it all out there. Sometimes the hardest decision is the best and you did right by the baby Seabiscuit.

  9. Beckz

    I'm so glad this post ended how it did. As I read through it I was thinking more and more why is she persevering with this when there are so many nice horses out there. I'm sure you'll both be happier with this outcome.

  10. 2 Punk Dogs

    SO glad you weren't hurt! Seriously F that. That horse has issues that most people wouldn't want to deal with. Hope his new people have the emergency dismount down. 🙂

  11. Bakersfield Dressage

    So sorry you had to go through that. I did the same thing myself last year. I gave the dude three years, and then one day, I simply decided I'd had enough. Most of the time wasn't good enough when the sometimes were so absolutely terrifying (and dangerous). Best of luck to Baby Seabiscuit … and to you!

  12. Margo

    You go, girl. I've followed your adventures with this horse and really respect and admire your perseverance with him, but even more so your ability to know when to call it quits. I have a very difficult horse I am parting with as well and it's nice to know I'm not alone in both making this decision and feeling like a failure for doing so (regardless of whether or not it's true).

  13. redheadlins

    Thank goodness you are ok, always a tough decision, but know that you gave him the best and more chances than most others would. Not. A. Failure. You rock!

  14. zebradreams07

    Could have avoided my last fall if I'd gotten off the first, oh, 5 or so times I thought about it…duh. Good news is we've gone back to basics and are making HUGE improvements.

  15. Mari

    I'm a long-time reader of yours (sorry, I'm a terrible commenter 🙂 ), and I just had to chime in to say how much I admire you. Thanks for writing about your journey, we love reading it!

  16. Mary Sherfesee

    Glad you made it ok, and that you made the decision that was best for you and for Baby S. I was judging a show where he put on his show in the past and was amazed that you had the wherewithall to stick with it.

  17. Unknown

    I had to make a similar decision with an OTTB who was fine 90% of the time. But 10% he was a striking, rearing, bolting, unreachable monster. After an outrageous bolt at a schooling show, with a new titanium hip to show for it, I STILL tried-but as I got out the dressage saddle he attempted to kick me to death. I still cried for days. bEleive it or not he is a successful pre green Hunter for a teen- perhaps it was the performance pressure at harder levels

    One tip that I find invaluable with "hot,hot hotties"– SMARTCALM. It really helps- gives you one extra split second to

  18. Melissa

    I've been in that exact position, though I did not persevere for 2 1/2 years. I give you huge kudos for sticking with it that long and I'm sure this is the best possible outcome for him as well. *hugs*

  19. my bad

    Anyone that's been with the number of horses that we have, are bound to run into "the one". The one that has no regard for his life let alone, yours. I had a Polish Arab that spent 4 years trying to kill both of us. My ah-ha moment happened very simular to yours, except mine involved a hot air ballon. I learned more from that horse than any other. He was beautiful but dangerous.

  20. kbryan

    You've made a wise decision. He was not the right horse for you to do the things you enjoy doing. Not your fault, not his fault – he is who he is. You did the right thing. Now, on to more adventures!

  21. Unknown

    I think you made the best decision for your, and his, safely and happiness. And no one can accuse you of not trying your hardest before you came to this decision.

  22. laura

    After 2 1/2 years, it's a not a failure and I'm glad (like everyone else) you didn't get seriously hurt this last time. Baby Seabiscuit will be happy and so will you. I've decided that since I'm now mid-forties, I don't bounce as well as I used too if I hit the ground. My mare may have some spunk and 'tude, at times, but I trust her and I try to always get off if I think I need to.

  23. achieve1dream

    I'm glad you didn't get hurt! I agree with you and everyone else that I think you're making the right decision. If you die or get seriously injured you won't be able to realize your dreams. I'm glad you were able to find him a great home.

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