It’s been awhile since I got to whine, moan and complain about just how much I HATE horse shopping.

No, no, no don’t get excited.

Bad Eventer has her HANDS FULL at the moment……

but I’ve agreed to help a friend find a new pony.

I’ve been looking around and making phone calls.

And there are a couple of things I’ve noticed lately……

It seems that almost every single ad I see says in BIG LETTERS with STARS around it somewhere 

OK, let’s think about this for a minute.

I remember the first time I was selling a horse and I received an email from a potential buyer with 5 questions.

After answering them, here came 15 more questions,

followed by 20 more after that.

When I seemed to have sufficiently answered all 40 of their questions I asked if they would like to schedule a visit. The reply, “OH!!! I’d love to, but I’m 12 years old and my parents said New York to Lousiana is too far to come look.”

It didn’t take me long to figure out who the 12year olds were after that, and I just sent the same response to all of them. It’s called “copy & paste.”

But let’s think about this. “Serious inquiries only” on the ad is NOT going to stop a 12 year old horse crazed princess from sending those 3 emails with 40 questions. NO ONE is more serious about it than that 12 year old.

So who is that note really for?

I’ve got a serious buyer, a VERY serious buyer. She has money in hand and wants a horse right – this – second.

If it’s even remotely close to “the one” we’ll close the deal right away.

However, the more an ad has “serious inquiries only” plastered all over it the less likely I am to bother. And I can’t tell you how much I adore the ads with NO PRICE and Serious inquiries only. Don’t give me the whole, “if you have to ask” excuse. We could have all the money in the world but aren’t willing to spend it on your 13 yr old “prospect”, but might consider it if the price is right. How can ANY buyer know if they’re “serious” without knowing the price????

We’ve already established the 12yr old is THE MOST serious person out there………

So why do I see this on so many ads???

That’s when it CAME to me.

It’s the horse seller’s version of The-Dead-Girlfriend-Story!!

Many of you are nodding already.

For those that haven’t had the PLEASURE of this experience, and for those that didn’t realize it was a STORY at the time…… here it goes.

You meet a man, after some initial talk, maybe even a drink or two they bring up “the last girlfriend”. She was THE ONE………

and then……….IT happened.

It was raining, there was a curve in the road……

you see where this is heading……….

and they lost their ONE true love in a tragic accident on Valentine’s night/Christmas Eve/their birthday………add variations…………

And though no one could EVER replace the dead girlfriend……..you’re supposed to give it your best try, right?!

This isn’t to make light of everyone who HAS lost someone tragically in a car accident. I live in a state where a dozen people die on the road every single day. I’ve lost friends. It’s terrible.

But mark my words. The-Dead-Girlfriend-Story told during the 2nd drink of a first date, or initial meeting…..

IT’S NOT TRUE.

I admit it. When I was young and dumb and 18yrs old. I fell for it………

But I learned my lesson, and over the years when I heard it again, and again………..by the time they get to the part about “it was New Year’s Eve”……………….I’m rolling my eyes and pretending to get an emergency call so that I can leave.

I thought maybe it was just ME until I told one of these stories at a party and my friend’s 72 year old mother came over and said, “Honey, I can’t begin to tell you how many times I heard that one!!!”

“Serious inquires only”……… better act like your serious when you call….. Maybe they should require pre-approval like a mortgage, or perhaps the balance of your checking account? References?

Come on people, the 12 yr old internet shoppers aren’t going to be dissuaded by that, and it just irritates the rest of us.